Micro film reviews

Over the past few days I've been rather poorly with(insert most personally amusing disgusting illness of choice here) and as a result have spent a lot of time laying on the sofa feeling sorry for myself with not a lot to do but watch movies. Well more than normal anyway. So what the hell! I thought I'd share with the internet my ill conceive opinions on some of the movies I've seen in the last few days in the form of micro reviews of a paragraph or less. Don't agree with my opinion? Well then you'll be first against the wall when I establish my Reich. Alternatively if you don't think I'll ever become the despot ruler of whatever country you reside in leave a comment here or on my Facebook wall telling how wrong I am.

I rate all the films from one ! To five !!!!!

Captain America: The First Avenger !!

Captain America plays out more than an extended intro to the upcoming avengers movie than it does as a great superhero movie in it's own right. In fact it's quite poor movie making when the most exciting parts of a action film come in the form of a montage show us how awesome Steve Rodgers is at beating up Nazi's. Hugo Weaving's Red Skull is a particular let down as he doesn't really do much in the film other than walk around his mountain top nazi base telling us how evil he is. Not that Steve Rodgers himself is very interesting, without the presence of Tony Stark's Ironman to generate an interesting conflict he's a bit of a damp squid.

The Beaver !!!

Forget the Disney like trailers this is not quite the film you expect to see. It goes to some very dark places for better and for worse. Mel Gibson and Jody Foster give solid lead performances but Anton Yelchin's subplot as Gibson distant son feels a bit forced and is never as interesting as the central plot.

Bridesmaids !!

Basically the ladies version of the Hangover but nowhere near as funny or inventive. Kristen Wiig shows us she can carry a film but frankly the gross out comedy falls flat in this one. Will undoubted be popular with the younger female of the species but do the rest of us find female BBF politics that funny?

Super 8 !!!!

One of the most original summer films in recent years. Super 8 starts off extremely promisingly but then shoots itself in the foot as it jumps between horror movie and family film without deciding what it really wants to be until it's disappointing ending. Still the young cast are great and the film provides real moments of 'spielburgesque' magic we've not seen since the 80's.

Chronicles of Narnia Voyage of the Dawn Treader !!

A disappointing adaption of the C.S. Lewis novel the script is as dull and lifeless as it's cast. That is with the exception of Will Poulter as Eustace who seems to be trying just a bit to hard. Like the previous installments the costumes and set design still pales in comparison to Lord of the Rings. A series half a decade it's junior. Without the presence of Tilda Swinton's wicked witch the film struggles to create a challenge worth getting interested about either. At the end of the day none of this will matter to anyone under the age of 11 who the movies aimed at.

Black Swan !!

Properly one of the most overrated films of recent years. The film doesn't do anything that wasn't done far better in Shutter Island and call me a cynical bastard I didn't feel anything for Natalie Portman's plight. I spent half the film wanting to slap her and tell her it's only a bloody ballet and all you friends and your mother are arseholes anyway.

Inception !!!!!

Inception hits every note perfectly. The script is original, interesting and well written. The cast are all perfect in their roles and the mind blowing action keeps the CGI to a minimum ensuring you get sucked into it's dreamscape. Chris Nolan Inception is proof summer blockbusters can force you to use more than one braincell and be all the better for it.

Ladies and gentleman: Swanblog3000

Friends, Romans, former countrymen

Welcome to the adventures of Luke Swan. Over the next few years I intend to use this blog to chart my adventures in the weird and wonderful country of Oz, give my opinion on everything from movies, games and politics and just generally rant about things that piss me off. And believe me there are a lot of things that piss me off!!!

Things to look forward to in the near future include:

My mini series on life living on the otherwise of the world
Swanblogs review of Batman: Arkham City
Australian traffic light: More frustrating than having a terminal illness?

It's going to be rude, crude, brutally honest but it will be a fucking great read! Like John Lennon I hope you'll come and join me but unlike him you can bog off and get your own damn room!

Swandog3000